Clay Blogged - 10-3-08 Options

[septskyblueeyes]

You all need to go read it.....it's long and well well written.....

[Aiken4Clay2004]

And he has given permission for it to be posted elsewhere.

Killing the elephants in the room.
10/03/08
What a week or so this has been. In fact, it's just been two weeks since I started back to the Spam. Jerome and I were just talking the other day, though, about how the past two weeks have felt like a month. So much routine to get back into and yet so much routine and consistency to break. No doubt, many of you have been going through quite a bit over the past week or so yourselves. What a bunch of headline news we have had in the past 10 days! Wall Street falling to it's knees. Congress propping it back up. Two debates. Hijackers in Somalia. New leaders in South Africa and Japan. You'd think with all of the important events going on in the world, there would be plenty to fill up the pages of America's newspapers, websites and blogs without the need for information on the private lives of the country's singers and entertainers. But, alas, thats never the case. In fact for the last five years, I've found what seems to have been an inordinate amount of interest (not from the public, but from the media) in my own personal life. The questions never seemed to stop. Oh sure, they die down for a period, but they resurface. The wind blows another direction, and I do yet another interview worried that my personal life will become a topic of discussion. No doubt the birth of Parker would bring the same scrutiny, just heightened. It's an interesting time we live in. Gone are the days when entertainers could go about their lives without the invasion of privacy that we now see everyday in the form of paparazzi and internet tabloid bloggers. So, in the hopes of being able to sing and act (and dance poorly) and do what I love to do for a living while raising my son in a hopefully more private and accepting environment, I chose to go ahead and confront things head on. Yes, I would have preferred to separate my personal life from my professional life. I would have been just as happy to go on without discussing my orientation. But, it seems like that was not an option. Make no mistake, its not because I am ashamed. No, not for a minute. I haven't always been as comfortable as I am now, but I am without a doubt, proud of who I am and make no apologies for it. Instead, I would have been happy to have kept my personal life private for that very reason. Because it's personal life and I have always considered myself a private person. But, living as myself without discussing my sexuality publicly would have been as impossible. One chance to expose the truth would have been a payday for any greedy opportunist.

I went to American Idol, much like many of us did "back in the day". Naive. Unlike the contestants who join up today, we had no idea of the power and pull of Idol when we signed on. (I'm sure many of us season two folks like to think we are the reason the show got so big!!! ;-) ) There I was two months off of the biggest show in the country, sitting at a table with a reporter from Rolling Stone who was asking me every single question I would never think of. Twenty-four years old in the rest of America is a LOT younger and more naive than twenty four years old in the media business. So when this guy started asking me about things that I didn't really know how to answer for myself... things that I was not yet ready to admit to folks like my mother and my family.... things that I found intimidating and invasive, I responded in what I assumed was a benign way at the time. I attempted to "out spin" a professional. I wasn't as good as I thought I was. But, I have no regrets. The truth is, I don't apologize for the responses I gave to that reporter or any reporter over the past five years. I did make every attempt I could after that one interview to never say "I am not gay" or "I am straight". And I never said either. (some interpreted my vague answers to mean that... but I never said either) Some will say thats misleading. In truth, it might be defined that way. But, a better definition and a more accurate way to describe it for me, is a redirection and an attempt to change the topic to something that matters more. For some of you it won't be enough, but I can't apologize for keeping my personal business to myself. If someone feels that they were mislead, I can totally understand that viewpoint and apologize for that feeling, but I can't apologize for how I handled questions that affected me and my right to privacy.

In my opinion, sexual orientation is ALWAYS a private thing. I think the OVERWHELMING majority of people agree with that. Why in the world should someone's sexual orientation be a news item? Why should anyone care? Yet, for all we espouse as a society about tolerance and open mindedness we forget to allow folks the opportunity to be who they are without judgement. Making a decision to come out to family is a difficult and heavy decision. But, for every young man or woman who is struggling with it, it should be a decision that is made on his or her own schedule ONLY. It's never acceptable for anyone to make such a decision for anyone else nor to coerce someone to take such a significant step before they are ready. Not a friend, not a stranger, not the media. So, I waited until the time was right for me. For that I can't apologize either.

There are plenty of you who have anticipated this blog in hopes that I would "set the record straight" or "admit to lying for five years and apologize for it". For that small group of people, I am afraid I will have to disappoint you. My decisions over the past five years have been made with lots of deliberation and at times even heartache. Always with concern for folks who might feel mislead. Don't doubt that. But they have also been made as an attempt, not to hide my true self, but instead to allow myself the same liberties and rights that every single gay man and woman in the world should have... the right to determine for myself when I was ready to discuss my personal life. In as much as that, at times, was interpreted as misrepresentation, I feel badly. But I reserved that right for myself and I can't say I regret it.

I have endeavored over the past several days to allow folks to vent and express themselves as freely as possible without restriction on these message boards. There is no way to change a person's mind when you tell them they are wrong. We all, when backed into a corner, have a human instinct to swing. Having different feelings and opinions and viewpoints are only natural. The only way to deal with that is to accept everyone's right to disagree, and allow them to discuss their feelings. I always have, and I always will. That said, it hasn't been, nor do I imagine it will be, my intent to make the message boards or the OFC a clearinghouse or discussion zone for sexuality or such topics. I hope we can always continue to discuss the same things we have always found important. The need for inclusion for children with disabilities. The desire to make sure every child in the world has access to their basic needs for survival. And any other topics that will make our neighborhoods, our regions, our country and our world a better more acceptable place (where that relates to issues involving sexuality, I hope we are able to advocate, at those times for the acceptance of others)... and I hope we will all still use the message boards for the lively discussion of the need for better entertainment and music in the world!!!! ;-) That said, as of this posting, I have asked the moderators to archive the thread regarding the People magazine article and close it from discussion. For those of you who are still struggling, I encourage you to continue to talk to your friends and neighbors and fellow OFC members in the thread devoted to such support. It is not going to be as easy as accepting something over night, but I believe that we are on the right track. The moderators will resume their regular duties of moderating the boards in the fashion that they did prior to last week, and I (and hopefully all of us) will resume our routines in the same fashion as well. Talking about music, talking about potential tours and other performances and appearances, talking about me forgetting my lines of tripping on stage in Spamalot, and discussing with our friends how many times we have seen the show and will see it! (And... looking forward to the announcement of out Playbill contest winner!!!)

Finally, I will say that, also representative of most every other gay man and woman in the world, that I am not defined by my sexuality. No more so than each of you are defined by your sexual orientation. No more than a man or woman is defined by race or ethnicity. It is, simply, a small facet of the same person I have always been. Most of you realize that nothing has changed. I hope to continue being able to entertain you in the same way I have for the past five years. And I hope you will allow me to continue to inform you of the causes that I find important and entertain you with the music and performances I love. For I love and cherish you all. Yesterday, now and forever.

c

He is amazing. I love him, typos and all.

[ashleyflutetay]

^^Thanks for posting! Such a good blog! I love Clay.

[<3=clayton]

Once again, GO CLAY!

[*Kiki*]

That was great. I love Clay

[cLaYcRaZy919]

Wow. He is an amazing individual.

[aiken4_clay]

awww. I always manage to find more love for Clay every single time. He's so awesome

[kimi]

Well I am glad that everyone got their way...

It just makes me kind of upset, because I would never expect Clay to have to come forward and actually explain himself for his past. I would never expect that from him. It is his personal life, and just because there are a few "upset" Clay fans out there doesn't mean he has to do all of this. I would've understood him and been happy with just the statement of "I'm gay"; no article, no blog, no TV interviews. Because I know that if it is coming from him, it is sincere. I always noticed that about the Rolling Stone interview, he kinda beat around the bush with his answer. So that is why I always knew there was a possibility.

Anyway. I could go on for days. It's good that he wrote this for the ones that expected an explanation from him. I, personally, never did.

[tears run dry]

Ahhhhh, I love him.

He uses a lot of unnecessary commas, but I love him.

Though I do feel kind of bad that he thought he had to explain himself...

The past two weeks have felt like a month to me... But probably not for the same reasons as Clay

This post has been edited by tears run dry: Oct 4th 2008, 7:15 PM

[Taswaysha]

awww. I always manage to find more love for Clay every single time. He's so awesome

Well I am glad that everyone got their way...

It just makes me kind of upset, because I would never expect Clay to have to come forward and actually explain himself for his past. I would never expect that from him. It is his personal life, and just because there are a few "upset" Clay fans out there doesn't mean he has to do all of this. I would've understood him and been happy with just the statement of "I'm gay"; no article, no blog, no TV interviews. Because I know that if it is coming from him, it is sincere. I always noticed that about the Rolling Stone interview, he kinda beat around the bush with his answer. So that is why I always knew there was a possibility.

Anyway. I could go on for days. It's good that he wrote this for the ones that expected an explanation from him. I, personally, never did.

Agreed with everything you lot just stated.

[Lozzenger]

I f*ckin' love him!

[rhymingpanda]

This man rocks my world. I was so drawn into it. Lol. I love the bit of humor in the end. He's fantastic.

I did expect him to talk about it even a little. This wasn't a little but either way. I don't think he was the type to just let it be. That would've been...rude if you must. He's right though. Will all those issues out there, his is nothing. Kind of makes you think that he meticulously planned his announcement. Hehe.

This was an excellent read. Kind of makes me wish I was in the proper place to be able to sign up for his blog.

[watsofunny]

No explanation was needed for me but AMEN. Clay said everything that most of us have said all along. Clay didn't owe any of us an explanation, as many seem to think he did, but he gave one. There will be those that will never understand his choices, refuse to understand, but that's their problem. What a guy!

[KCCAFan4Ever]

*sigh* He's so awesome. I agree with him wholeheartedly about paying more attention to his music than his sexuality. That's the reason these past 4 years I've been ticked off with people that kept on bringing up his sexuality and looking past his music and charity efforts.

As always, I love this man.

[~♥ Yvonne ♥~]

And he has given permission for it to be posted elsewhere.
He is amazing. I love him, typos and all.

Thanks for posting...

[claybaby]

he's too kind. he's really trying to accommodate 'confused' fans, isnt he?

great to know he's being proud of who he is, coz he SHOULD!

[b1ackroses]

I love him.

[FiRsT_2-lAst]

I love him.

[BoreanazLover]

I will always love this man

[blazing heart]

I think it is so amazing that so many of you just love this man no matter what he does. He could steal lie cheat and even murder someone and you would say oh we just love Clay..Get real.
He has lived this lie in front of us claymates for quite awhile. He knew that we really enjoyed watching him caress the microphone and wink at us and do all these sexy things but it was all fake.

I am so disgusted with all of this. How can you just overlook the fact he lied to us?
And deceived so many. Then he writes and says I have nothing to apologize for.

I used to be a die hard claymate not anymore. I will not support someone who cant even admit he made a mistake by making his claymates think he was something he never was..